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with arf ortiyef
What's your best tweet?
the one about getting an Ikea catalog in the mail.
Share on TwitterHow do you use Twitter in your professional life?
i use Twitter exclusively to promote my latest products and to introduce these miracles of modern technology to potential customers worldwide
What was the funniest trend you've seen?
sea monkeys, i guess. trends aren't very funny.
What feature should Twitter add?
i should get bonus points for every tweet that uses all 140 characters (a Tetris).
Who do you wish had a Twitter feed but doesn't?
Shaquille "Shaq" O'Neal of basketball. :(
What are some words or phrases you refuse to shorten for brevity?
anyworde that can bee lengthenede withe an 'e' is thee waye 2 goe.
Is there someone you want to follow you who doesn't already? If so, who?
Michael Caine. let's be friends, Michael Caine. let's hang out, have some brandy and a cigar and do impressions of me.
Have you ever unfollowed someone? Who and why?
no, i never have.
How do you make your tweets unique?
first, each tweet is stamped with time, date, location, bar code, isbn number and a serial number. then comes the three-part distillation...
What inspires you to tweet?
getting Ikea catalogs in the mail (even if they aren't addressed to me!), Columbo and other Peter Falk related programs, small birds.
140 characters of advice for a new user?
try starting with some brief opinions about AC/DC songs, then say vicious things to celebrities you don't like, then link to free viagra.
What is one of the biggest misconceptions of Twitter?
that it's made of plastic. it isn't.
Why should people follow you?
last year, i won Shorty Awards in the categories of Handsomest and Batman. if that doesn't persuade you, i fear for your car tires.
How do you decide what to tweet?
i ask for a lot of advice from colleagues and advisers.
How will the world change in the next year?
it will be kind of the same but with slightly less John Cusack and slightly more Nicolas Cage.
What will the world be like 10 years from now?
kind of the same except Lee Hazlewood's career will posthumously blossom to unprecedented, but well-deserved, proportions. also more flu.
