What's your best tweet?
Selena and Justin, sitting in a tree- A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage- then Mariah Yeater with a baby carriage.
What are six things you could never do without?
Bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon, and bacon.
How do you use Twitter in your professional life?
I'm a comedian- I tweet jokes. I also promote shows and I get to interact with fans.
What's your favorite Twitter app?
Plume for Honeycomb, and Ubersocial for Gingerbread.
Twitter or Facebook?
What was the funniest trend you've seen?
The trends themselves are rarely funny, it's what's said by those tweeting about them that makes me laugh.
What feature should Twitter add?
An "Edit Tweet" button. Every time I have something that gets widely retweeted, I *then* notice that I made a typo.
Who do you wish had a Twitter feed but doesn't?
Richard Feynman. But he's dead, so it would probably be pretty dull anyway.
What are some words or phrases you refuse to shorten for brevity?
Nearly all- I never tweet using things like h8, ur, gr8, etc.
Is there someone you want to follow you who doesn't already? If so, who?
Roger Ebert- I'd view it as a sign that my material sometimes amuses those who are more highbrow than my Beavis and Butthead loving self.
Have you ever unfollowed someone? Who and why?
Yes- they were talking poorly of Howard Stern, and that's one of the few things I just can't abide.
Why should we vote for you?
I'm funny. Well, if you find jokes about Biebtards amusing, that is.
Terms you wish would start trending on Twitter right now?
What's the most interesting connection you've made through Twitter?
I've become known to boy band fangirls around the globe, and that never ceases to amaze me.
Hashtag you created that you wish everyone used?
How do you make your tweets unique?
I'm a smartass, and I don't tweet jokes from others- they all come from within my head.
What inspires you to tweet?
Stupid trending topics- those are my muse.
Ever get called out for tweeting too much?
Sometimes, but Bieber jokes must be told.
140 characters of advice for a new user?
Stop now. Just walk away before you start.
How long can you go without a tweet?
I tweet daily. If I went 8 hours I'd probably start shaking and get the cold sweats.
What question are we not asking here that we should?
How about a good F, Marry, Kill?
How do you imagine Twitter changing?
For the worse- it's always for the worse.
Who do you admire most for his or her use of Twitter?
Ken Jennings- that man is a Twitter genius.
Who is the funniest person on Twitter that you follow?
Ken Jennings really is brilliantly funny.
What is one of the biggest misconceptions of Twitter?
That everyone on there agrees with a particular opinion- no matter what the topic, you can always find varied takes.
Why should people follow you?
I tell jokes. Constantly. Mostly about whatever is trending, so I'm somewhat topical on Twitter.
Can you name some one-of-a-kind Twitter accounts that you follow?
How do you decide what to tweet?
I'm demented- it just comes to me.
Why'd you start tweeting?
Boredom, and it's a great outlet for crazy thoughts.
Has Twitter changed your life? If yes, how?
I suppose, though that's pretty sad to say. It's been a great outlet, and allows me to publicly vent frustration and humiliate my friends.
What do you wish people would do more of on Twitter?
Spell words correctly and use proper grammar- I don't mind shortcuts and typos, but the willful disregard for English on there is unsettling
How will the world change in the next year?
In the next year there will be a celebrity reality show that DOESN'T feature Coolio.
What are some big Twitter faux pas?
It's all fair game- I don't even mind the 4 death threats I got last year.
What will the world be like 10 years from now?
Exactly the same. But with more robots. Sex robots. Yes, the future is awesome.