I unfollowed @errolmorris when I realized that wasn't really a monkey running the account. #Disappointed
Never step in on a conversation. Unless one of the people is a real idiot. #Facts
Fantasy football. Cocaine.
@Chet_G @PFF_MikeClay @Senor_Cash @Nude_Tayne @RotoPat @pwnteam @TOFantasySports @DLFootball @RumfordJohnny @FantasyDouche
The funniest person on Twitter... when it comes to #fantasyfootball Tweets with allusions to cocaine and esoteric pop culture references.
Let the whores in.
I had no reason to get out of bed until I started the Twitter account.
#TebowRetires #DogsTalking #AliensAttackDC #RIPTomWolfe
If I read one more update about a precocious tyke that shit itself at the mall, my head is gonna explode. #FuckFuckerberg
"Even if Joe Haden has tight coverage on Mike Wallace tonight, you can always count on Ben Roethlisberger to force it into small holes."
Bourbon, sex, marijuana, #fantasyfootball, the NFL, coffee
'Your' or 'you're' but I never hesitate to change 'below' to 'blow'. #BoogerSugar #Blowjobs
More inflation, more wars, more injuries for Felix Jones
Never change, Twitter. Never. Change.
I just read about fantasy football when I'm stoned and then let my fingers do the dancing.
Normally I would refrain from this acronym, but I can only say, "LOL".
In the end, aren't all trends funny? #DeepThoughts
Not yet. But I'm Kanye Westing it everyday so we'll see.
Trying to be funny. I should finish up soon.
About as long as I can refrain from drinking. #EightHoursTops
How did Picasso make his paintings unique?
How the hell does @DaneCook have two million followers?
I can't follow myself.
Telephone numbers for all dem saucy filles de joie.
I don't care. I'll still be drunk.
@RobGronkowski and @FelixJones28 I bet they'd love how much they get mentioned in the feed.
That it's all losers in their parents' basements who smoke weed and play video games. That's only like two-thirds true. I rent.
You're trying to get me to name names. I won't do it. #HollywoodBlacklist