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The Shorty Interview with Dexter's Library

Have you ever unfollowed someone? Who and why?

I unfollowed @errolmorris when I realized that wasn't really a monkey running the account. #Disappointed

What's the most interesting connection you've made through Twitter?


What are some big Twitter faux pas?

Never step in on a conversation. Unless one of the people is a real idiot. #Facts

What inspires you to tweet?

Fantasy football. Cocaine.

Can you name some one-of-a-kind Twitter accounts that you follow?

@Chet_G @PFF_MikeClay @Senor_Cash @Nude_Tayne @RotoPat @pwnteam @TOFantasySports @DLFootball @RumfordJohnny @FantasyDouche

Why should we vote for you?

The funniest person on Twitter... when it comes to #fantasyfootball Tweets with allusions to cocaine and esoteric pop culture references.

140 characters of advice for a new user?

Let the whores in.

What do you wish people would do more of on Twitter?

Retweet me.

Has Twitter changed your life? If yes, how?

I had no reason to get out of bed until I started the Twitter account.

Terms you wish would start trending on Twitter right now?

#TebowRetires #DogsTalking #AliensAttackDC #RIPTomWolfe

Twitter or Facebook?

If I read one more update about a precocious tyke that shit itself at the mall, my head is gonna explode. #FuckFuckerberg

What's your best tweet?

"Even if Joe Haden has tight coverage on Mike Wallace tonight, you can always count on Ben Roethlisberger to force it into small holes."

What are six things you could never do without?

Bourbon, sex, marijuana, #fantasyfootball, the NFL, coffee

What are some words or phrases you refuse to shorten for brevity?

'Your' or 'you're' but I never hesitate to change 'below' to 'blow'. #BoogerSugar #Blowjobs

Hashtag you created that you wish everyone used?


How will the world change in the next year?

More inflation, more wars, more injuries for Felix Jones

How do you imagine Twitter changing?

Never change, Twitter. Never. Change.

How do you decide what to tweet?

I just read about fantasy football when I'm stoned and then let my fingers do the dancing.

How do you use Twitter in your professional life?

Normally I would refrain from this acronym, but I can only say, "LOL".

What was the funniest trend you've seen?

In the end, aren't all trends funny? #DeepThoughts

Ever get called out for tweeting too much?

Not yet. But I'm Kanye Westing it everyday so we'll see.

Why'd you start tweeting?

Trying to be funny. I should finish up soon.

How long can you go without a tweet?

About as long as I can refrain from drinking. #EightHoursTops

How do you make your tweets unique?

How did Picasso make his paintings unique?

What question are we not asking here that we should?

How the hell does @DaneCook have two million followers?

Who is the funniest person on Twitter that you follow?

I can't follow myself.

What feature should Twitter add?

Telephone numbers for all dem saucy filles de joie.

Who do you wish had a Twitter feed but doesn't?

Dexter Manley

What will the world be like 10 years from now?

I don't care. I'll still be drunk.

Is there someone you want to follow you who doesn't already? If so, who?

@RobGronkowski and @FelixJones28 I bet they'd love how much they get mentioned in the feed.

What is one of the biggest misconceptions of Twitter?

That it's all losers in their parents' basements who smoke weed and play video games. That's only like two-thirds true. I rent.

Who do you admire most for his or her use of Twitter?

You're trying to get me to name names. I won't do it. #HollywoodBlacklist

Why should people follow you?

Free. Cocaine.