What's your best tweet?
I'm okay with bumping uglies as long as your ugly's not bumpy.
What are six things you could never do without?
The six food groups: Dairy, Grains, Fruits & Veggies, Meat, Beer, and Meth.
How do you use Twitter in your professional life?
I tweet at the urinal and pretend my phone is my penis.
What's your favorite Twitter app?
My favorite Twitter app? The Twitter spinach dip. Har har har.
Twitter or Facebook?
Is Facebook nominating me for an award? No? Twitter.
What was the funniest trend you've seen?
I don't pay attention to trends as much as I pay attention to those hashtag thingys on the right hand side of my screen. I like those things
What feature should Twitter add?
Who do you wish had a Twitter feed but doesn't?
My mother. She's hilarious.
What are some words or phrases you refuse to shorten for brevity?
I don't know what this question means and I refuse to Google the word "brevity".
Is there someone you want to follow you who doesn't already? If so, who?
A Kardashian. Any Kardashian. Shop with me.
Have you ever unfollowed someone? Who and why?
I unfollowed an orphan who kept posting pictures of him dying. I thought he was being insensitive to my digestive system.
Why should we vote for you?
Vote for me if you like me if not it's all good. I'm still here to make you laugh.
Terms you wish would start trending on Twitter right now?
What's the most interesting connection you've made through Twitter?
Twitter friend @HowlerMonkeys
let me create a guest comic for his awesome web comic and now we're working on our concoction Motorcycle Frog.
Hashtag you created that you wish everyone used?
During the Wikipedia blackout I rocked #ImWikipedia
that was full of fake Wikipedia facts. That was fun.
How do you make your tweets unique?
By starting it off as one sentence but ending it in a way that juice porn pig monkeys don't expect.
What inspires you to tweet?
The tornado of hilarity ripping through Twitter. I want to be the cow that flies by the screen.
Ever get called out for tweeting too much?
140 characters of advice for a new user?
How long can you go without a tweet?
I once time travelled into the future to save my daughter who I haven't met yet. Didn't tweet the whole time. So... 38 years?
What question are we not asking here that we should?
Who's your Twitter crush and what would you crush her with?
How do you imagine Twitter changing?
Twitter shouldn't change. It should stay our forum for immediacy.
Who do you admire most for his or her use of Twitter?
A lot of people have a lot of fun on Twitter but I really admire @ChelseaVPeretti
for her mad Twitter skills and her stage act.
Who is the funniest person on Twitter that you follow?
I answered this go back to your hole Question Writer.
What is one of the biggest misconceptions of Twitter?
That Twitter is exactly like Yahoo Games.
Why should people follow you?
Because I'm your private dancer. Dancer for money. Do what you want me to do.
Can you name some one-of-a-kind Twitter accounts that you follow?
BACK IN THE HOLE QUESTION WRITER! BACK IN THE HOLE!
How do you decide what to tweet?
I don't decide. The house elf that lives in my stomach tells me what to do.
Why'd you start tweeting?
Because my intestines started slipping out my butt.
Has Twitter changed your life? If yes, how?
Twitter didn't change my life as much as it held it hostage.
What do you wish people would do more of on Twitter?
Sometimes I ask for pictures of people's body parts. Wouldn't mind more pictures of teeth.
How will the world change in the next year?
Ryan Gosling will only get hotter.
What are some big Twitter faux pas?
Don't tweet famous people to check out your video. Instead. Tweet celebrities to check out my video.
What will the world be like 10 years from now?
10 years from now I will 36. So the world will be 20 years away from knowing who I am.